Dating as a Divorcee

By Karolina Dehnhard, Esq.

As a divorce attorney, I am frequently asked “how soon is too soon” to re-enter the dating world following a divorce. While this is an important question, bigger issues often come about once a divorcee begins taking those next steps. They start seeing a new partner and re-discover what type of person they attract and/or are attracted to. What is most telling is how often people find themselves interested in the same personality type that they just divorced. Sometimes, this is an opportunity for a perfect retry. Other times, it’s a recipe for disaster.

For expert advice on the subject I turned to Julianne Cantarella, the original New Jersey Matchmaker and Dating Coach and a member of the Divorce Dynasty platform—a group of vetted professionals working together to assist those faced with life challenges to turn a new page in their lives. As Cantarella identifies, “If you find yourself dating and attracting the same type of person over and over again, this could be a huge obstacle to finding the right partner. These patterns could be tied to self-limiting beliefs and clearly it’s a pattern that is not working; it’s time to make a much needed change.”

“It’s time for a mindset reset, or you have to step out of your comfort zone. You’ve heard the saying, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting the different results. This is true in dating and relationship building.”A licensed social worker and professional matchmaker/dating coach since 2005, Cantarella has the skills to successfully match her clients with their perfect partner. Through assessment, networking abilities and intuition, Cantarella specializes in helping New Jersey singles find love in today’s modern world. She offers the necessary tools and coaching to those who are looking to put themselves back on the market.

Cantarella reports, “My specialty and passion is to empower women, giving them a clear path to create a loving healthy relationship. These are women who have experienced divorce, haven’t dated in years and have no idea where to begin dating or how. They’ve heard all about online dating, but find themselves overwhelmed by the idea of navigating that platform. Through my coaching, I take the mystery and confusion out of dating so they can create the relationship they desire and deserve.”

Many of Cantarella’s clients are faced with tackling new age dating tactics such as texting, emojis and social media. Years ago, dating was more personal. But in today’s fast-paced society—where both interested parties are generally professionally motivated—dating, especially after divorce, takes on a whole new meaning.

Between complex schedules, work travel, meetings and kids, we simply have less time. That means that carving out large blocks of our days or nights has become very difficult. As a result, Cantarella points out, “When I coach my clients I help them uncover the need to meet and attract a partner that shares their same goals, values and relationship vision. These points are most necessary when creating a healthy long lasting relationship. My approach is to help my clients date right the first time so they don’t have to reset and start all over again six, seven, eight months later.”

With the assistance of a vetted professional to help narrow the field, there is more time for a focused approach, leading to a quicker, more satisfying, (and hopefully permanent, or at least long-term), result.