Becoming Someone Worth Dating

By Julianne Cantarella

Before you can have a healthy relationship with a romantic partner, you must have one with yourself. You must see yourself as worthy. By conveying your worth through your behavior, it will be reflected and modeled, and in return, a partner will view you as such.

First and foremost, Respect Yourself: If you do not respect yourself, how can you expect anyone else to? You’ll show respect for yourself through your behaviors, as well as the limits and boundaries you set in your relationships. You must also value and see the gifts you bring to a relationship. 

Be Genuine and Authentic: You don’t have to pretend to be someone you’re not. People can spot that a mile away. And really, do you want to have to keep up that façade? The best way to attract your ideal partner and live your best life is by being genuine and authentic.

Get Clear On Your Values:
 Values are your judgment of what you consider important in life. For example, if family and personal relationships are important to you, then it’s a value. If being financially responsible is important to you, then it’s a value. One of the best ways to ensure a lasting relationship is by finding a partner who shares your same values and honors them. When you are clear on your value system, it shows you are a person of worth.

Don’t Settle: To settle means you are willing to accept significantly less than what you deserve. Why? Because you don’t see your worth. In most cases, you are simply taking what you think you can get. Show your worth by finding a partner who treats you with respect and values you.  

Speak Your Truth: I feel I must give this one a disclaimer. It doesn’t mean you have to be combative, rude or “call people out.” Not only does it become about them, it’s just aggressive and can be a turn off. It can also come across as angry and that’s not you. However, you should clearly, calmly and without question express your wants and desires and communicate the importance of your needs. 

Have Integrity: This means to be honest and to have strong moral principles. Choosing to do what’s right even when it’s easier to do or choose something that would ultimately benefit you. Having integrity will actually increase your confidence knowing you are able to make the hard choices and you will be viewed as someone of worth.

Be Kind:  It should go without saying, but you would be surprised how much cordiality is overlooked. Kindness is often underrated and can go along way. Remember to be kind. It’s very attractive.

Julianne Cantarella, MSW, LSW, is a licensed Social Worker with a deep passion for people. Her personalized approach to Matchmaking and Date Coaching has earned her the title of New Jersey’s Top Relationship Expert. A professional Matchmaker and Dating Coach since 2005, Cantarella has the skills to successfully match her clients with their perfect partner or coach them into a loving, committed relationship. Cantarella is the owner, principle matchmaker and dating coach at New Jersey’s Matchmaker, located in Northern New Jersey. Cantarella is also a member of Divorce Dynasty, a group of NJ professionals who are each a champion of their respective roles in the divorce process. Find out more at